For many married couples, it is not uncommon for the frequency of sex to start to decline. There can be a wide range of reasons, most of which are simply due to our daily lives and routines. You might have work priorities on your mind. You could have just started a family. You may even have an ongoing dispute with your spouse that is not yet resolved to your satisfaction.
All of these things can result in sex getting pushed down the list of your priorities and in some cases, even dropping off your list entirely. Both men and women are guilty of setting sex aside to concentrate on other things. Let’s look at a few of these things and what you and your spouse could do that might help.
A Difference of Needs
What you desire in the way of sex and frequency and your spouse tends to vary. You might want to enjoy sex every day, yet they are content with once a week or less. Ideally, you and your spouse have to work together to come to a mutually acceptable compromise to ensure both of your needs are being met.
Children of any age, from infants to teenagers, can put a strain on your sex life. Your children demand your attention and have specific needs. After cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and hauling the kids to their school and social activities, you can feel drained. When your spouse is not contributing around the home and with the kids, it can be frustrating.
Couples need to develop a good work-life balance. This requires both parents to contribute equally around the home and taking care of their children’s needs. For instance, you could offer to cook dinner, watch the kids to give your spouse some alone time and do other little things to help take some of the burden off your spouse to get them more in the mood to have sex.
When your sex life diminishes or even stops completely, it could indicate there is something else that is wrong. While women tend to be more in touch with their emotions and feelings, men are equally guilty of withholding sex because they are still upset, hurt, or angry about something else that occurred in the past. For them, the issue is not resolved and until it is, they are not in the mood to have sex with you. You will want to talk through the problem or even get help from a couples’ counsellor.
It is important to remember maintaining an active sex life does require work and effort by both spouses. If your sex life seems like it has become nonexistent, and you and your spouse want help figuring out why and what you can do to enjoy sex more frequently, like it was when you first got married, please feel free to contact Toronto marriage and sexual therapy counsellor, Ellen Starr at 416-488-3102 to schedule an appointment today.