It can be very stressful on a relationship when one person wants children and the other does not. This difference can be the underlying cause of relationship stress and anxiety. It can be the trigger that sets of arguments and disagreements. It can even be the reason why relationships fail.
Before you toss in the towel and walk away from your loved one, it is worth your time to explore your options to determine the best course of action. One of the most important things to ask yourself is why you want children.
Here are five other things you to consider when your loved one doesn’t want kids and you do:
- Find out if your partner is willing to compromise. Maybe you have dreams of having a large family while your partner does not. However, they may be willing to have one child. Another option would be to adopt an older child that needs loving parents and is already old enough where they need minimal supervision.
- Talk to a couples and marriage counsellor. It can be beneficial to meet with a counsellor by yourself and as a couple to explore the different possibilities and options. Even if your partner is adamant about not having children, you will at least have someone to work through your issues with and decide what you want to do next.
- Think about it from your loved one’s perspective. Take a moment to pause and think about why your loved one is objecting to having kids. Is their objection reasonable, like not having the finances to support a child right now? Or is it an unreasonable fear like they will be a bad parent? Sometimes it is possible to work out these objectives to alleviate your partner’s concerns.
- If your partner says “not now,” it doesn’t mean “never.” Sometimes your loved one may not be fully opposed to having children but just want them right now. The important thing is to make sure your partner will want a child later and is not just using this as an excuse to appease your wants until your or their biological clock runs down.
- Become active with a children’s organization. Another option when your loved one won’t budge on having children is to see if they would be willing to participate with you at a children’s organization, such as Big Brothers Big Sisters of Toronto. This experience not only makes a big difference in a child’s life but also can help to change your partner’s mind about having children of your own.
If you discover through counselling that your partner will never want children and you do, your counsellor will be there as you accept this and evaluate if this relationship might not be for you. To start exploring your options, please feel free to call me, Ellen Starr, at 416-488-3102 to request a counselling session today!